Business of Death

I spoke about expecting too much from people last time, I believe. I have been saving these sentiments for a time when I was a little further from February, to make sure I was not completely fueled by raw emotion. Not that the emotion is less raw to be honest, but here goes anyway. Before the bitterness that follows starts, I would like to stop and say thank you to the people that did help, that were wonderful, caring and compassionate. I have not, nor will I ever, forget your hospitality.

I am well aware of the way businesses are run. Even the businesses of death. I understand these things, I get it. I am also aware that I have extremely high expectations of people, especially in a professional environment.  So with all of that being said, I have been absolutely floored in the way a lot of businesses handle grieving parents. Almost to the point of considering a career in the field so that people who are at their worst moment would not have to deal with the things that I find rude and unacceptable. Unfortunately I have no knowledge or interest in that field. I understand it is a for profit business, I am not disillusioned there.  I also understand there are things you have to be clear on and sometimes a little blunt. But if you can not gauge the reaction of people, if you can not be couth about it, if you have been in the business so long you actually become offensive, its time for you to step aside. Its time for you to cash in your own chips. Just a couple examples – the funeral director was in a hurry, he obviously had an agenda that was not ours. I understand you have to keep things on track, sometimes you have to say things bluntly so people understand. But there is a caring way to do this and a rushed, uninterested way of doing this. I felt we received the latter. The first headstone person we contacted made us go out to the cemetery weeks after burial, while she roamed around and inspected graves and asked us how we were related to so and so. I will never forgive her and hope God has some special punishment for her (even though I know that's not the way it works). And the one we finally went with has called my son by 3 different names, none of which was his. There are several similar occurrences that left the same foul taste in my mouth, some of which I have blocked, some of which I have let go, but none of which were good. People need to think, they need to care. I realize they cant get involved in every persons life, but they can at least be compassionate. They can be professional. If your business is death, you should be damn good at it, because it matters to the living. 

Unreasonable Expectations

I have probably always known this, but as of late, I have come to the realization that I simply expect too much from people. I expect organizations to be organized, companies to care about their customers and employees and offer good customer service, elected officials to not be greedy, immature brats, and people to be decent, intelligent and reasonable. That, apparently, in this day and age is too much to ask. Now, I must put my disclaimer in here. I am not perfect, nor do I think I am. I often fall short of my own expectations. Perpetually actually. I think its unfortunate that I both expect too much and that people rarely live up to my inflated expectations. I have noticed lately I really struggle with dealing with the disappointment and often find myself incredibly angry at small disappointments. It is very clear this has to do with loss, guilt, anger and grief. But is it so hard for people to try a little harder? Or are my expectations just completely skewed? Maybe I should work a little on forgiveness. It has come up a time or two; I believe I am incapable of forgiveness for certain offenses. Or maybe I just am incapable of calling it forgiveness.  If everyone always lets everything go, when are people held accountable for their actions? When are they called to be a better person? I understand it is not for me to judge, but expectations are not barbaric, are they? Either way, maybe the problem isn't that people disappoint me continuously or that I disappoint myself, but rather that I need to let that go. Insert internal struggle here.