On one hand, I am extremely blessed. I have been a mother
for more than 20 years. I have given birth to 3 beautiful, healthy children
that have taught me so much, given me so much joy and filled my heart with more
love than I knew physically possible. I have felt the sweet snuggles of babies,
the joy of first words and steps, the pride of seeing my child do the right
thing, the sweet sticky hugs that never go away, and the life lessons. On the
other, I have one son who will never call on Mother’s Day. Or, any other day,
for that matter. And while it is apparent every day, special occasions are
harder to ignore. I have felt the pain of loss so intense my heart still hurts
every single day. I have felt the detrimental ache of what ifs and if only’s. I
bore the weight of knowing I will never see my oldest son do any of the things
he should have done. I have heard things I have never wanted to know, and seen
things I never wanted to see. And yet, I am still breathing.
But this post is not really about my bittersweet day, it is
about something else entirely. It just happened to manifest itself on that day.
I have been thinking about how I can get involved with helping an organization
that I felt passionate about. Perhaps something with kids, self esteem, teenage
pregnancy, suicide, something along those lines? Something I knew a little
something about, and could give back from the hard lessons I have learned in my
life? And I kept looking at my calendar, thinking I was unsure how to fit it
in, but not letting that deter my thinking. However, I was unable to settle on
a “cause”. And then I received this message in my inbox from a very special girl in
my neighborhood. And she shared with me her post about Mother’s Day. And seeing
me through her eyes was the most wonderful gift I could have received that day.
It truly touched me. And as I was discussing this with my husband, after I was
done crying, of course, he said to me…"Laura, maybe the problem isn’t really
what organization you should get involved with. Maybe, looking for a cause is
not the right thing. Maybe you need to realize that living your life every day,
and being you, touches more people than you could possible realize." (This is
paraphrased, he words things much smarter sounding than I). So after I picked
myself up from bawling again...I realized I had lost touch with the original
idea of this blog, this purpose I have. It was the very reason I had set out on this blogging
journey. For myself, and for all of us to remember that each and every one of
us has the power, every single day, to give, to make a difference just by being
you. You may not realize people are watching, or even realize they know you exist.
But they do. And you freaking matter. A lot.
