Thursday, May 16, 2013

Mother’s Day 2013


 Mother’s Day 2013. What a bittersweet day for me. It was too emotional to write that day, although that is when my creativity flows the strongest.

On one hand, I am extremely blessed. I have been a mother for more than 20 years. I have given birth to 3 beautiful, healthy children that have taught me so much, given me so much joy and filled my heart with more love than I knew physically possible. I have felt the sweet snuggles of babies, the joy of first words and steps, the pride of seeing my child do the right thing, the sweet sticky hugs that never go away, and the life lessons. On the other, I have one son who will never call on Mother’s Day. Or, any other day, for that matter. And while it is apparent every day, special occasions are harder to ignore. I have felt the pain of loss so intense my heart still hurts every single day. I have felt the detrimental ache of what ifs and if only’s. I bore the weight of knowing I will never see my oldest son do any of the things he should have done. I have heard things I have never wanted to know, and seen things I never wanted to see. And yet, I am still breathing.

But this post is not really about my bittersweet day, it is about something else entirely. It just happened to manifest itself on that day. I have been thinking about how I can get involved with helping an organization that I felt passionate about. Perhaps something with kids, self esteem, teenage pregnancy, suicide, something along those lines? Something I knew a little something about, and could give back from the hard lessons I have learned in my life? And I kept looking at my calendar, thinking I was unsure how to fit it in, but not letting that deter my thinking. However, I was unable to settle on a “cause”. And then I received this message in my inbox from a very special girl in my neighborhood. And she shared with me her post about Mother’s Day. And seeing me through her eyes was the most wonderful gift I could have received that day. It truly touched me. And as I was discussing this with my husband, after I was done crying, of course, he said to me…"Laura, maybe the problem isn’t really what organization you should get involved with. Maybe, looking for a cause is not the right thing. Maybe you need to realize that living your life every day, and being you, touches more people than you could possible realize." (This is paraphrased, he words things much smarter sounding than I). So after I picked myself up from bawling again...I realized I had lost touch with the original idea of this blog, this purpose I have. It was the very reason I had set out on this blogging journey. For myself, and for all of us to remember that each and every one of us has the power, every single day, to give, to make a difference just by being you. You may not realize people are watching, or even realize they know you exist. But they do. And you freaking matter. A lot. 

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