How are you?

Simple enough question. All of us ask it several times per day. Even though I hate it, I realized I asked it of a person yesterday, when I knew the answer already. They were not well, not alright, but I asked anyway. I personally try to avoid the question now. When people ask me how I am, I want to scream: "I am falling apart, I'm in hell. My son is dead. I don't know why! How do you think I am??????!!!!" But instead I just try not to cry when I say "I am ok." It would be unfair of me to scream at someone who inquired on how I was doing. Most people generally mean well, and the ones that don't, I really try not to speak to at all. What else do you say to someone who you know is hurting, who is just trying to not freak out every second of the day? What can you possibly say to let them know that you care and want to know if you are holding up? There is nothing. There is nothing anyone can say, because there is nothing I can say. At the visitation, people would say "I'm not sure what to say, sorry is not enough." I told them "I know, and its ok, there are no words." I could see the compassion and love in their eyes and they didn't need to say anything. I am still kicking myself for asking that person yesterday. What I should have said is, I know times are really hard right now, life sucks and its hard to even breathe, but I understand and I am here for you. I think that may have made us both feel better.